Guest post by Dr. Amy Mathews-Perez, a Director of Special Programs in a public school in Central Texas. Connect with Amy on X (formerly Twitter) at @drgrowtoknow, on Facebook at DrAmy MP, or at her website dramyperez.com

I’m wondering how you read the title of this blog. Did you read it as Dear, Stressed Me (self pity-ish) or as the beginning of a letter? Either way works (and both apply at some point or another for all of us, right?) and serve as an opportunity to self-reflect on why you read it that way. The intention was that the title is the beginning of a note – to yourself.

We all get stressed out, no doubt. Stress is not a selective force – it impacts every one of us in different ways, at different times, for different reasons, for different lengths of time, and with different results/responses. If you have spent time reflecting, you’ve probably figured out (or are figuring out) how to talk yourself through these stressful times. There is a popular quote by Zig Ziglar: “The most influential person you will talk to all day is you.” There are also many varieties of this message floating around, but the point is the same: Self-talk is powerful.

The hard part about self-talk is easy to identify: judgment. We second guess ourselves, we feel silly, we want to do it “right.” However, I want to make you aware of two important things related to self-talk: (1) You already talk to yourself, whether out loud or just in your head -or both for some of us. When it is instinctive, we don’t pause to evaluate it, we just do it. Whether we are pumping ourselves up to do something challenging (EX: A job interview), calming ourselves down to get through something difficult (EX: Getting pulled over) or celebrating our success in getting something accomplished (EX: We got the job?). Here is your challenge: pay attention next time it happens, and then add to it with an intentional, positive phrase. The second thing I want to make you aware of is this: (2) There is no “right” or “perfect” way to do self-talk. You know yourself – or are learning about yourself. We figure out if we need a voice of rant, rage, encouragement, empowerment, cheer (or all of these). Some of us need a pep-talk, some of us need to be reminded to live up to our potential, some of us need to be remotivated with goals, some of us need a “no-excuses” approach, and some of us need empathy during times of stress.

We live, we learn; we stress, we recover; we breathe and continue going forward in learning.

Understanding the value of positive talk, encouragement and kindness, imagine if you could facilitate a positive outcome for someone else that is going through a stressful time. This blog provides a method for you to do that. Originally intended for leaders in work settings, this activity can be done with any group or person you choose.

Whatever your relationship (leader, friend, co-worker, etc.) I’m going to assume that you want to help others be their best; you do your best to meet the needs of others. There will be times when your support will be effective & that is awesome. However, other times, a person’s “self-talk” support can be more helpful than our support. A common situation we all face is that we get so busy we don’t take the time to think about motivating ourselves or others, much less by writing it down. So, here is an activity that capitalizes on creating that opportunity for others: it honors each person’s self-awareness/knowledge and allows you to support each person individually during stressful times. This is an activity that I’ve done with my staff for three years in a row and it has had multiple positive outcomes every time.

You pick the “Who” & the “When.”. Here is the “How” (then we’ll visit the benefits):

• Give each person a blank note card & envelope. (have each person seated away from each other)
• Have the person write their name on the envelope.
• Ask each person to write themselves a “Dear Stressed Me” note. Assure them that this is 100% confidential; NO ONE will read their note.
• Once they each complete the note, have them put it in the envelope that they put their name on – and seal the envelope.
• Collect the envelopes and put them in a place you’ll remember.
• During the school year, when you notice that one of those people is stressed out, hand-deliver their note to them. (If you want to give them a treat when you do that, that typically brings a smile; a Sonic drink, candy bar, favorite pen, etc., but this is not foundational to this activity)
• When they say, “Thank you” (they typically do) you can respond with something like: “Don’t thank me, thank yourself.”

What they are really thanking you for is “seeing” them; acknowledging them, and showing care about them being stressed. Done with authenticity, this can build relationships, ease stress, and create a moment to take a breath. As an added benefit, it promotes the value of you being in tune with each person because YOU are going to give each person their own note….at a time that you notice they need it. Notice a need, share your care, and build resiliency.

I believe in positive intent, and I’m passionate about empowering and encouraging others. I hope that this has provided an easy action you can take, and, equally importantly, I hope you take time to validate yourself for the hard work you’ve done, the progress you’ve made, and your willingness to learn. If you use this activity & would like to share your outcomes, I’d appreciate the opportunity to connect. dramymp@gmail.com or on X @drgrowtoknow.

About Amy

Texas-born & raised, Amy is in her 32nd year of serving public education. General Ed. Teacher, SLP, Diagnostician, SPED Supervisor, Assistant Principal, Principal, and Director of Special Education are roles she’s held. She is the CEO of Making Education Special for All (M.E.S.A), an LLC dedicated to training, facilitation, consultation, and speaking engagements that revolve around information, motivation, and insights on why and how to make education special for all stakeholders. Her passions are communication, joy, authenticity, and empowerment. “Life is short but our influence is never-ending,” and Amy is committed to connecting with others through service and smiles.

Rachelle’s blog

Dr. Rachelle Dené Poth is a Spanish and STEAM: What’s Next in Emerging Technology Teacher at Riverview High School in Oakmont, PA. Rachelle is also an attorney with a Juris Doctor degree from Duquesne University School of Law and a Master’s in Instructional Technology. Rachelle received her Doctorate in Instructional Technology, and her research focus was on AI and Professional Development. In addition to teaching, she is a full-time consultant and works with companies and organizations to provide PD, speaking, and consulting services. Contact Rachelle for your event!

Rachelle is an ISTE-certified educator and community leader who served as president of the ISTE Teacher Education Network. By EdTech Digest, she was named the EdTech Trendsetter of 2024, one of 30 K-12 IT Influencers to follow in 2021, and one of 150 Women Global EdTech Thought Leaders in 2022.

She is the author of nine books including ‘In Other Words: Quotes That Push Our Thinking,” “Unconventional Ways to Thrive in EDU,” “The Future is Now: Looking Back to Move Ahead,” “Chart A New Course: A Guide to Teaching Essential Skills for Tomorrow’s World, “True Story: Lessons That One Kid Taught Us,” “Things I Wish […] Knew” and her newest “How To Teach AI” is available from ISTE or on Amazon.

Contact Rachelle to schedule sessions about Artificial Intelligence, Coding, AR/VR, and more for your school or your event! Submit the Contact Form.

Follow Rachelle on Twitter(X) and Instagram at @Rdene915

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