Guest post by Dr. Amy Mathews-Perez, a Director of Special Programs in a public school in Central Texas. Connect with Amy on X (formerly Twitter) at @drgrowtoknow or her website dramyperez.com

Lead With Curiosity…..Follow With Learning

No matter your role, if you want to create or improve relationships, there are lots of ways to do that. Whether it is personal or professional, relationships matter. Relationships influence us in ways that are obvious (when we get into an argument with someone and stay mad until we decide to forgive, forget, or just quit giving it energy) and ways that are less than obvious, like the way we feel when we think of someone, our anticipation (or dread) of running into/meeting with a person, or the way our choices are influenced by someone (whether intentional or not). One example of that last thing – choices being influenced – is a tradition I follow at work. I have a small team of great people that I am lucky enough to coordinate. Each year I take each person to lunch with the intention of quality one-on-one time talking about anything but work. I always order what they order for lunch. I love to try new things, and while mirroring their decision is an intentional choice for me, the impact on that person and our relationship is subtle. It validates that person, and it provides a topic of conversation (whether I’ve had that meal before or not, why they like it, etc.).

This blog is about two specific ways you can improve relationships: (1) Lead with curiosity and (2) Follow with learning. First things first: the assumption behind this blog is that you want to create positive relationships or improve the ones you already have.

Most of us have probably heard the phrase, “Lead with curiosity.” Many people think that means asking a lot of questions. While that is a reasonable interpretation of the phrase, let’s consider purpose and timing when leading with curiosity. The purpose of your curiosity is to learn more about the other person, so asking questions is a great start. However – being intentional about the purpose of your questions will guide the conversation and validate the other person. Asking questions that do NOT yield “Yes/No” responses will yield only that: one-word answers, which does not perpetuate authentic conversation. Asking questions with the intention of discovering what the other person enjoys talking about is where the magic is.

The next strategy is to “Follow with learning.” Once you are in a conversation with someone and you discover something, learn it. Seeking to understand is powerful in creating trust. Follow up in ways that confirm for the other person that you are learning from them/about them. This can be accomplished through phrases (like “I didn’t know that…”, “I’m learning so much from you/about you.” Or “Let me get this straight [state back what you just learned]…..” are examples of such phrases. Your intention is to validate their input by learning it, repeating it and/or linking it to something you relate to about it. If you really want to solidify this learning, mention the learning to them at another time or mention it to someone else while this person is present.

Each one of these strategies is important, but for maximum impact, use them both: Lead with curiosity, then immediately follow with learning. Same strategies as mentioned above, but combine them in the conversation. Ultimately, your goal is to suspend your ego, eliminate your “I” voice (talking about yourself without relevance to the conversation), and focus on the other person/people in the conversation through your questions and your learning.

CHALLENGE: Have a conversation with a good friend and a new acquaintance. Have your friend count how many times you say “I” – if it is more than you expected, don’t be surprised. We are all guilty of defaulting to “I” when we run out of things to say, get uncomfortable, or can’t handle silence. There is no magic number about how frequently you say “I” – this challenge is simply a way to raise your awareness. It makes it hard to build authentic relationships with others if we mostly talk about ourselves.

I encourage you to be intentional by leading with curiosity and following that with learning and seeing how your relationships improve in-depth, authenticity, and positivity. Fair warning, though: it is harder than it seems, but remember that “better” is the result of intentional decisions. Bottom line: I believe you can do it. You’ve got this!

About Amy

Texas-born & raised, Amy has served public education for over 30 years. General Ed. Teacher, SLP, Diagnostician, SPED Supervisor, Assistant Principal, Principal, and Director of Special Education are the roles she has held. She is the CEO of Making Education Special for All (M.E.S.A), an LLC dedicated to training, facilitation, consultation, and speaking engagements that revolve around information, motivation, and insights on why and how to make education special for all stakeholders as well as leadership. Her passions are communication, joy, authenticity, and empowerment. “Life is short, but our influence is never-ending,” and Amy is committed to connecting with others through service and smiles.

About Rachelle

Dr. Rachelle Dené Poth is a Spanish and STEAM: What’s Next in Emerging Technology Teacher at Riverview High School in Oakmont, PA. Rachelle is also an attorney with a Juris Doctor degree from Duquesne University School of Law and a Master’s in Instructional Technology. Rachelle received her Doctorate in Instructional Technology, and her research focus was on AI and Professional Development. In addition to teaching, she is a full-time consultant and works with companies and organizations to provide PD, speaking, and consulting services. Contact Rachelle for your event!

Rachelle is an ISTE-certified educator and community leader who served as president of the ISTE Teacher Education Network. By EdTech Digest, she was named the EdTech Trendsetter of 2024, one of 30 K-12 IT Influencers to follow in 2021, and one of 150 Women Global EdTech Thought Leaders in 2022.

She is the author of nine books including ‘In Other Words: Quotes That Push Our Thinking,” “Unconventional Ways to Thrive in EDU,” “The Future is Now: Looking Back to Move Ahead,” “Chart A New Course: A Guide to Teaching Essential Skills for Tomorrow’s World, “True Story: Lessons That One Kid Taught Us,” “Things I Wish […] Knew” and her newest “How To Teach AI” is available from ISTE or on Amazon.

Contact Rachelle to schedule sessions about Artificial Intelligence, Coding, AR/VR, and more for your school or event! Submit the Contact Form.

Follow Rachelle on Twitter(X) and Instagram at @Rdene915

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